I'm sitting in the parking lot getting ready to go into work..I just dropped Adi off at the sitters...she will watch her from 7:00 to 4:30 today. I hate it.
I HAVE TO find a way to make a decent/comparable income to what I make now...without actually working. I'm determined to do it. I don't want to continue to miss out and be without my baby. :/
I hate that someone else gets to cuddle with her all day.

My Boppy.
Any mom would agree-nuff said.

The sweatshirt material blankets Gymboree has...they come out every season...quarter/etc. and have outfits to match... my friend Jaimie gave me this whole matching outfit/blanket/toys/socks from there..and told me she collects them for her kids..they love them and she plans on having them all sewn together for when they go to college. (love the idea! totally stealing it!)

Bottle Sterilizer by Avena.
You fill it with 7oz of water, your bottles, nipples, etc..then microwave for 2 minutes. Then let sit in the microwave for 2 more.
(this is best used with a bottle rack..to then put the bottles/nipples on after removing..)

Gerber onesies for summer.
Atleast the ones that are like see-through because they are so thin. They breathe so nicely.

Knit blankets.
because atleast then i'm not afraid she's going to eat her blanket and die.

Any onesie outfit.
I had this idea i would use these cute two peice outfits, etc. They are a hassle more than anything..and if anything I just usually have her wearing onesies at home.

Bottle brush.
Mine has soft rubbery bristles so not to scratch the bottles and on the other end it has a nipple brush to fit in the nipple..and in the middle of the brush it has a place to fill with dish soap.

Receiving blankets.
can't get enough.

Hooded Towels.
i thought it was silly to get all those hooded towels, but i use them--and love them, perfect for drying off your little bundle of joy.

Formula dispenser.
nice to pour in the bottle on the go.

Baggie Dispenser that attaches to diaper bag.
little bags pull out that you can put the diapers in to throw away.

Elastic bottomed nightgowns.
for that middle of the night diaper change..because eventhough they say to avoid changing babies in the middle of the night, all that leads to is changing sheets everyday.

Plastic rings to hold toys on infant carrier.
a necessity.


i think thats it. though i may add to this later.

Baby Breakdown

Attempt to Induce #1 on Friday June 26th:

Midwifes Observation fee: $175
Pharmacy Service: $82
Supplies: $217
Laboratory Service (because they drew my blood once): $47
Medications: $23.13
Labor Room fee: $1,144
Diagnostic Service: $1,650 (what is this, was it worth all that money they paid?)

Is my baby really that huge?! So we ultrasound on June 29th:

Nope baby isn't that big but we like to spend money, aka ultrasound: $195

Attempt to Induce #2 on Thursday July 2nd (it worked!)-4th:

Midwife "delivery fee": $2,035
Fee for doctor to administer epidural: $2,160
Semi-private room for 2 days: $1,512
Pharmacy Service: $614.79, $257
IV Therapy: $573
Supplies: $333
Lab Service: $89
Recovery Room: $79
Labor Room: $1,874
And, almost missed this page..
Nursery: $958
Pharmacy Service for Baby: $54.43
Lab Service for Baby: $61
Treatment room: $ 63

Oh. And I got charged $960 from my obgyn for who knows what...

Thank god we live in America where everyone has health insurance (luckily we are blessed and do..)..
Oh wait, not everyone does have insurance...Jesus Christ.

So in typical crazy momness earlier in the week Adi was not eating very well and crying (what I considered) a lot for her and I called my nurse friend (who happens to also work at Adi's doctors office) and she insisted I come into the office for a weight check to ease my mind. She was suppose to have a weight check next week, but I welcomed going in early...well kinda, its always annoying trying to get anywhere on time. I usually average 30-40 minutes later than I hope/plan.
Adi was born 8lbs 9oz, so clearly providing nutrients for her while she was inside of me wasn't a problem. :)
When she left the hospital she was 8lbs 3 oz, which they expect. However her first doctors appt, a little over a week after we brought her home she was 8lbs 2 oz. :(

Back to my story..
So Adi and I packed up..and headed to the doctor...and I stood there nervously anticipating her weight and then it happened, the scale read 8lbs 11oz! Thus making me happy. Who would ever think I'd be happy about weight gain. Haha.
So my nurse friend Lee asked me to lunch and we went down to the hospital cafeteria. It was nice having a break from babyness and just talking with a friend.

I had the most surreal unexpected life experience sitting there at that cafeteria table.
Life had taken me full circle at that moment and my life just walked by me..

Steve, the receptionist from ManorCare (where I worked years ago when Aaron and I first began dating..), who obviously got a new job there, probably because the nursing home was too stressful, he walked by..
Bob Kane, hospital administration, and coincidentally Aaron and I's landlord from our apartment we lived in several years--who we lied to when we were dating and said we were "engaged" so he'd let us rent the place, he walked by..
Numerous Verizon Wireless customers, people I had met at the hospital and informed them of their 22% discount..they walked by..
Janice Schifferli, in charge of residents, a random Verizon customer I waited on over a year ago when I was still in sales and wasn't pregnant..we went to the same hair place and vowed to "get together sometime for drinks," walked by...
The three nurses who work in my obgyn and take your blood pressure/temp/urine test and who would try to console me after waiting 45 mins to an hour for EVERY appointment as i swore the next time if it happened i was going to fly off the fuckin handle...they walked by...
The man who administered my epidural, and who I entrusted to stick a giant needle in my back, the man, who was a godsend and so graciously took away my pain..walked by..
The nurse who cleaned off my baby..hand/footprinted her as she screamed immediately after delivery..as I lay there and got stitched up..she walked by..
The resident who told me the wrong time and day for Adi's first doctor appointment...walked by..
The doctor that checked out Adi one last time to give her the A-okay so we could leave the hospital..he walked by..

And I sat there, with my little bundle of joy in her infant carrier saying hi to each person as they walked by
...remembering the days I wasn't pregnant.
remembering when I wasn't married to Aaron.
remembering when I didn't work at Verizon.
remembering who I was before all of these people walked through my life.
And realized I'm such a better person for it all. 
because it all brought me to where I am today.
and for that, I am forever thankful.

Adilyn Cleo Deck is her name.
Born Thursday July 2, 2009.
Weighing 8 lbs 9 oz.

My labor explained in short:
Induced starting at 7am
Water broke at 9:04am
Horrible building contractions
Epidural at 12:30pm
Dilated to 5cm by 4:30pm
Informed nurses I needed to push like immediately at 6:21pm.
Adilyn was born 14 minutes later.

Okay-exactly 6 days actually now till my due date.
Its hard to believe she's going to be coming out soon. Just doesn't seem like she's been in there long enough.
I have my weekly appt today at 4 so we shall see if I'm dilated.
Last week I went and they checked me and said I was dilated one cm we will see if anything has changed. I believe my walking around constantly at work will help to get it going.. I will update everyone after todays office visit. Wish me luck!

We have picked a name! But Aaron refuses to let me tell anyone... He said since I wouldn't allow the sex to be a surprise he wanted "just this one small thing." So I figured that's the least I can do. BUT I don't like the way he wants to spell her name. Which worries me. Yesterday was when I finally admitted to wanting to spell her name differently (mind you I like the traditional spelling and I'm pretty sure he invented the spelling he likes) and he said "No, I like it spelled like that. And if you want to change it I guess we will have to pick out a different name."
Grrrr. I looked at him and said, "I don't want to hate you forever for the spelling of her name..." Which I stand by. However I do really like the name we've agreed upon. So I guess I will just deal with the spelling. I mean how big of a deal is it really? That thought crosses my mind. Then I convince myself Um she's going to have her name for the fuckin rest of her life! Its a huge deal.
So in conclusion-will I resent Aaron forever for the spelling? Right now feels like a great big fat yes, but then again I'm one big emotional ball of bitchiness.

I am 36 weeks. Say it one more time-I Renee (formerly Smith) Deck am 36 weeks pregnant. That's some Holy fuckin shit right there.

Well if you haven't heard I am 36 weeks pregnant and scared out of my mind for the delivery day to come. I think its only natural..the most horrible pain I will ever experience, but the easiest pain to forget when you look at that little face. Here's to that being true!

What has changed in this ninth month of pregnancy?

For the first time in the length of my pregnancy I am having trouble sleeping-now it could be because of the cold I acquired about two weeks ago, or it just might be because I'm huge-I dunno. I'm trying to beat the cold with plenty of fluids and vitamins so we may be able to just blame it on the hugeness in due time.

On hot days at work I swell up like a balloon. And have to remind myself to sit down when I get the opportunity. Its weird to see my ankles so huge. I'm not used to looking so elderly and it freaks me out.

She moves more and more lately which is really great to watch. Just like she creates these ocean like waves that cause my stomach to go haywire. Its really neat to put your hand down and feel her move underneath and its not just gastrointestinal issues. She moves mostly at night or when I'm in the bath laying there.

I'm ready for my bitchy attitude to resume what it once was. The "I don't care what you do I'm fine with whatever." And then I smile. But I'm kinda done with smiling. I'm kinda done with being ppls bitches. Especially at 36 wks. I'm over work. I'm too fat to bend over. *Sigh* Did I mention how much she moves around when I get angry?
I'm always like " my baby hates that person" I can tell cause she's going apeshit in the womb.

My poop-the little that I do poop is best explained as tar. I never in my life had problems with constipation until now. In fact before this month I'd say the baby even helped to regulate me...but no more! It takes me 45 minutes to an hour to get anything accomplished. :(

Oh! Lastly-but the most exciting thing! I squeezed my nipples and liquid came out. Not even enough to accumulate to anything measurable. But I will tell you it made me the most excited I think I've ever been. I actually anticipate the breastfeeding part. Before I was slightly uncomfortable with the idea and creeped out. And the sight of the pre milk residue got me strangely excited and proud I am wired to provide for my newborn in that way.
(I cannot understand breastfeeding a little human being that can talk though I do know that..ew)

I must go, I have a baby doctor appt this morning. Wonder if they'll be 45 minutes late like always-thats always appreciated.
I think this week they check me for strep b..and start to check if I'm dialated! The second part will be exciting!
I cannot believe I start going to the doctor once a week now until I have the baby. I'm that far along. My god, where did my youth go? :)

I'm now entering what I will appropriately entitle the "holy fuck a baby is going to be coming out of my vagina soon. i'm scared. maybe we could cancel this?" stage.

This is the biggest thing i'll ever do in my life and it terrifies me that i don't know when it will happen. Whether the baby will be healthy. What the baby will look like. How i'll get through it.
A bunch of unanswered questions that will work themselves out if i'm just patient. but its so scary.
I can't believe I'm going to be a mom. Like I see my expanding huge stomach and am baffled that it has nothing to do with an increase of junk food intake or lack of exercise. It's because I'm growing a human being. A human being that I'll be responsible for at minimum 18 years. A little person that will rely on me for everything.
As I sit here crying I'm wondering how I could ever be half the mom I have.
How I'll manage to make every holiday a simply perfect memory for my little one. How I'll know what to do when my baby cries..
Guess I'll just try my hardest and see what happens... Regular women turn into moms all the time...and just somehow manage and come through.
Regardless I'm scared shitless.

I already feel better. I clearly needed to cry about that and get it out. *sigh*

On Monday we had our third baby class at the hospital..Next week is the last one. Do I feel like I learned anything that was worth the $40 I paid for the class, not really. Thankfully I got a $20 off coupon through my insurance so I ended up getting refunded half of that...making it $20. Do I feel I learned anything warranting a $20 charge? Nah. Not really.
At the end of every class we head into this musty room that only gets used by pregnant ladies practicing breathing exercises.. Usually with about 15 minutes till 9, she has us practice over and over deep breaths that I already know how to do.

But last Monday we got out the birthing balls.
It was kind of a wonderful experience because I was able to lay on my stomach, er rather get the closest I have gotten in 8 months to laying on my tummy. I miss that.
As I hunched over on the ball...rolling around..pretending that I was laying comfortably on my stomach..Wilda (the nurse who teaches the class) randomly began spouting off things she had forgotten to mention concluding this breathing/delivery section of the class.
Then she says it--the most sickening, terrifying labor and delivery fact I have ever heard--"if your water breaks and you feel something fall out do not be alarmed it's probably the umbilical cord or foot"
Excuse me.
WHAT!?
I'm pretty much scarred forever from that.
Eventhough every woman I've talked to so far has assured me it's never that easy.

This just in, Kelly Clarkson has fattened up. This coming to you straight from todays episode of Ellen. Poor Kelly.
I would love to see her in concert. And be her friend. Not in that particular order. Especially now that I called her fat--I'd settle for just seeing her in concert.

Today a bird flew into our living room window at approx 7am.
He is still on the concrete patio outside our front window....standing up, so thats good I guess. But the poor thing has remained stunned sitting outside the window. I hope he survives it. It sure is depressing looking out to see the little thing remaining motionless just blinking with his little birdy feathers ruffled.

Oh hey--I forgot to announce this here--I'M HAVING A GIRL!!!

I've turned into crazy pregnant nester lady. Cleaning the bedroom, turns into me standing on the bed dusting the upper side of the ceiling fan blades.. but if it makes me feel better, its all worth it.

Before the baby is born there are a few things that MUST be tackled.
1. Window treatments for the living room, guest room, and new ones for the sliding glass door in the bedroom. Oh, and also dark wooden curtain rods that don't cost an arm and a leg for the guest bedroom.
2. We need matching end tables for the sides of our bed.
Those are the two major things that will make me feel accomplished when I have them completed.

Baby nursery is pretty much completed. Painted, got all the bedding,
and ordered and recieved the last of the matching accessories (Light switch, lamp, rug). Closet doors and organizers need assembled but that's Aaron job.
I need to wash some of the babies clothes to have available for when baby comes home. I don't want to remove all the tags off, in case they would find the swollen labia to be a penis. Never know.

Speaking of baby clothes--my mom and I went shopping yesterday for baby. I find it entertaining our differences in clothing choices. I like clothes that make my baby look like a little adult. I think they're cute. While my mom picks outfits that a ceramic doll would wear. Now not all the time...but generally speaking..
We like a lot of the same things too, but some stuff I'll point out and she'll go "Oh Renee...that will make her look like a big girl." Silly, mom.
But I must say my favorite purchase from yesterday has to be the little jean material diaper cover...http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=40105&vid=1&pid=644521&scid=644521002
Aw!

I don't know your thoughts on Nickelback but I will tell you they have 2 new(er?) songs that you must download if you are into dirty songs. Titles: Sex and Something in your mouth. Amanda I'm pretty sure you will enjoy them, and if not--you'll atleast like listening to them and be able to fondly imagine the days I'd lock myself in my room and blast these type of songs ;) ..
Aw. Seems like just yesterday.

Random: I still desperately want to learn how to play the violin.


Time to go. On a side note, I really need to write more often. I feel a lot better having written this.
Mom, out.

Today I had a baby doctor appt...to which the doctor spent most of my appt speaking about how I had a weight problem pre-pregnancy and need to do something about it.
I was mortified. I just don't think its an appropriate time to tell a pregnant lady she was/is overweight when she's hormonal and a little over 7 months pregnant.
I cried when he left the room. Did I mention that was the first time I had met him?
More on this later.

So much that I now think in terms of "renee is..." So here goes nothing.
Renee is in her friends bathroom (after stuffing her face silly) feeling extremely sick. The two bowls of french onion soup, bread, followed by vanilla ice cream was pushing it--I do believe.

I think I have begun my blah period of the pregnancy. That I feel heavy and I can't get up part. The things are starting to swell and I find it difficult to sleep. The I want that off the ground but I really don't want to bend over and fuckin pick it up.
Don't worry, I am aware this is just the beginning. But it makes me sad because up to this point I couldn't figure out how pregnant people get so uncomfortable. And now. Well now I'm slowly starting to get it. And its sucky and just gets suckier from here,till the birth.
I am so excited to have our baby and just know what he/she is. To hold he/she in my arma and be in awe of the miracle that is birth. To realize holy shit I fuckin grew this. It must be amazing.
Later after I get my bath I am going to compose the perfect letter to ellen. See she is having a first time moms show (aka give a bunch of stuff away to pregnant moms filled in her audience) and I so badly want to be considered. I don't know how many times in the past when I was younger I'd write to celebrities hoping to be on their shows. But this... This might work. Yesterday I wrote a letter and ended up making it way too long. So long that even cutting out huge portions it just didn't remain complete.
:(
So back to the drawing board. I figured I'd better just start a new document. *sigh*
On another note I am really excited for pool time! We open it mid to late may, agh. I am excited to introduce our puppy Bettis to the pool which he will love. When he was a little puppy he would swim with his brothers and sisters in a pond so I have an idea when he sees this giant pool of water it will bring back memories. I just hope he doesn't drink too much pool water because I could see that happening too.
Well now that I have shared a bunch of crap that doesn't matter I think I will go.
Plus, I'm updating from the bathtub and the water is getting cold. Brrr
P.s. I would gladly put pics up of me and other random things if I just understood how to post them easily instead of fiddling with photobucket and the pics still not posting well. I have a blackberry, wonder if there's an application I could dl to make it easy peesy? Help me please.

So I am not exactly sure when this happened but alert the media--my nipples have changed color. Whoa.
I believe I am one step closer to the milk spurting...
Btw...Can't that happen soon?

I have started acquiring heart burn when I eat anytime after 7pmish. I have maybe had it a handful of times before being pregnant--and I definately forgot how much it sucks.
Tmi warning, I have a horrible discharge which makes me go through several pantyliners a day. Ew.
At every moment of every day its pretty much a given I need to pee. I hear it only gets ten times better from here.
I will be excited for my bladder to be solely mine again.
I am pretty sure I have felt the baby hiccuping inside of me, it resembles a slight popping feeling. Its pretty cool and I hope that is truly what it is.
I had my third ultrasound that I begged for four wks ago... And guess what! The baby was facing down STILL! So it is official unless something goes horribly wrong during my pregnancy that was the last look I will have at my little bundle of joy before it comes out. So I guess I have no other choice but to be surprised. Figures.

Because it very well could be my first and last time-- I just saw my stomach move...like full on baby belly bump out. So great, god I hopes this happens more and more often!

I haven't been this excited for anything--since--well I'd have to say...since I was probably five on Christmas Eve.

Tomorrow at 10:15am I have my second ultrasound, where we will find out the gender of our baby.

I took a notebook to work today and made everyone vote...Boys are in the lead.

Ergo, why I'm still up...and typing...    I just cannot lay down, but I know the earlier I lay down, the sooner I will find out.

I pray the ultrasound tech can see what the baby is...
More later. :)
Wish me luck.

me? i'm making fries in the oven. and getting ready to warm up some honey hot sauce to dip them in.



mmmmmm

Thanks for your messages (I didn't really see them until now..) :) Sorry about that. I'm so out of touch with this livejournal anymore. It's ashame to, I used to love it. Still do--my dog just seems to consume any free moment I have. (My god--when our baby comes things will be out of control)

So My face...Dun, dun, dun..

My face is about 95% better!!! I can talk clearly. Almost smile fully...can drink without a straw.
When I smile with my mouth open I droop on the one side, slightly...and my eyebrow is almost back to normal.
But I can smile again. And laugh. And talk.
It just feels amazing. I hope what little is still wrong does lift though...I hope that isn't being shallow.

As far as baby developments go...I go Feb 12th for my next and supposed last ultrasound (unless I get the 3d one..) Which is approaching quicker than expected. I felt like it would drag.
Baby names? I like different ones. Like I've told Aaron, I'm breeding for stardom ;)
Aaron refuses to talk about baby names until we find out the sex. But I'm pretty sure he's just trying to delay the inevitable names I will want to talk and talk about...
If we have a boy, I love the name Braxton. Brax for short, it just sounds so tough. I love it.
I asked Aaron if he liked it, he pleads the fifth. GRRRRR.
Plus--Braxton and Bettis sound cute together.
Of course Aaron did bring to my attention "you know there will come a day when Bettis will die and it won't be so cute anymore.." Which is a good point.
As for girl names...I love a lot of those, so it won't be hard to pinpoint.

I guess I just need to keep in mind...Aaron has a huge say in this process and to not get too excited about the name Braxton, or any other name. : \

Yesterday I started thinking about how we don't have a lot of extra money right now..and it's frustrating to me. Some people are out going to be out with their tax money...buying fun things..like laptops, whatever they want..
and us...we'll buy a washer and a dryer..and just continue with paying our mortgage. etc etc. And if we did have any extra money...theres a list of shit we need. A new garage door, our basement needs fixed up, etc, etc.
I'm just getting depressed with this shitty weather I think. And its going to snow again, tomorrow. Our house looks so nice when its pretty out. And the sun shines down on our pool..and I can relax. I'm excited to show Bettis our pool and deck..I think he'll love it. Can I be out in the sun when I'm really far along? Hm.
Our house is amazing for our ages...we, i, should be proud of us. And I am.
I'm not trying to be ungrateful. I really do have anything I could want and/or need.
It's just weird to think...the decisions I have made have brought me to here.
I'm the first married out of my friends from high school. I'm among one of the first with a house. I'm pregnant.
I just don't feel adult enough. Not responsible enough. And hell, I'm growing a person. When do I begin to feel grown up?

I looked at Aaron a couple weeks ago and said..."I know its a little late for this, but I'm afraid.."
Referring to actually having to birth a little person.
He smiled, "Wimps do it all the time--you'll be fine."
But I am...I'm starting to be afraid, and baby Braxton ;) isn't even coming out anytime soon.

In two weeks...I'll be half way. I am currently 18 weeks. Weird to think it's went so fast.

I went to the maternity clothing shop with my mom over the weekend, I got some jeans and dress pants..and a few shirts..even though they have very few fuckin plus size maternity tops.
I guess large women don't often fuckin get pregnant.

I've started having cravings. I can see something really random and all the sudden I convince myself I need it.
Sunday it was honey hot sauce, to dip my fries in. Mmmmm. Let's face it...every fuckin day is a time to eat honey hot sauce..I particularly love it on chicken fingers..MMMmmm.
Yesterday I ordered one of those sandwiches from Dominos, I was really worried it was going to be a $6 mistake. But to my surprise it wasn't!! I got the Chicken Bacon Ranch one...minus the bacon...it was amazing. It had cheese on it too. Oh my god, I'm making myself hungry for it and I just ate.

Have you heard the song by John Legend called..."If You're Out There" Good song. You should get it.
I'm going to go look up baby pool flotation devices...covered from the sun of course...

two nights ago i went to the emergency room because something was very wrong with my face.

they told me i have bells palsy, ie half of my face (the left side) is nonresponsive, i cannot chew anything except on the far right of my mouth....have to drink out of a straw......can't really pronounce b's or p's...can't close my left eye completely when i sleep (so i have to use eyedrops and an eyepatch).. can't spit after brushing my teeth..i just drool it out, and i can't smile with my whole mouth, and my left eyebrow droops...as well as the rest of my face.

they say "its not uncommon to get it when you're pregnant."
its a virus you can get where a nerve associated with facial movement swells..
i don't know if i should be grateful for my lack of morning sickness, knowing what i know now...
i think i would have rather puked then feel like this.

it can last a couple days...a couple weeks...6 months...a year.... it's different for everyone.

all sensation can come back following it...partial sensation...or none at all.

i'm scared.
i'm not so superficial i can't deal with this.. i never really care about my looks--or so i would have told you before
but here i am, scared.
i don't like feeling paralyzed.
i don't like feeling that i don't have control over my body.
i hate smiling..i never thought i'd ever say that, but i do.

aaron's been great about it...but there is only so much that can be said and done..and it just comes back to the same thing, i won't be okay until its over.
i just have to pray i will have a complete recovery, soon.

i think this will change me. in a major way.
make me appreciate the little things, like smiling.
i know i miss it already